Christmas 2004 and Confessions of Evil Grandparents

Here it is, a couple of weeks before Christmas. A national election out of the way, thank God, but unfortunately many of the divisive issues persist and, in some cases,  the losers still proclaim themselves the winners. Not only is the tail still attempting to wag the dog politically, there is a growing effort to stomp all over a primary uplifting time of the year that tends to pull us all together, Christmas. So I have no other choice than to spend a lot of time Christmas shopping, say the word “Christmas” and shrug off the dim bulb celebrities who are too stupid to  shut up and not go off on offensive anti Christmas rants.

Every year, our wonderful grown children, and their wonderful spousal counterparts, email a list of  “Go – No Go” gifts for our grandchildren; “Please get ‘The Littles Go to School’, please do not get ‘Captain Underpants and the Big, Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy, Part 1: The Night of the Nasty Nostril Nuggets’. We of course buy ‘…Nasty Nostril Nuggets”. Why? Because we really have no other choice. While ‘The Littles’ may be more mainstream and politically correct, kids love to say the words “Nostril” and “nuggets” in conjunction with one another, mostly because it makes them laugh…but it also makes them want to read, and it extends their knowledge of the English language during an era of  shrinking vocabulary. We know, at some level, our grown children understand our intentions, as well as our purchasing logic and when confronted by visitors to their home over their whacky book selections, they can just blame it on us, their crazy parents.

This year, with part of the family relocated to Texas, we’ll send those Leap Frog Learning pads, appropriate models for appropriate ages, but there will also be Bob the Builder Dump Trucks, Crash Force Regenerators, Hot Wheel Fuelers and, generally, things that are loud and make a big mess. Little guys need to be heard and these types of toys absolutely command parental attention and focus….and allow parents an opportunity to play with toys, and maybe take the edge off of a stressful grownup day. The addition of some good books make for bed time reading, or at least serve as the basis for a positive child – parent conversation. Yes, there is a madness to our madness and, no, that was not a repeated word typo.

Video games require more care. Playing game of Japanese origin tend to teach lessons to children that are perhaps not so desirable. In story lines made for even young children, parents are almost always portrayed as absent; make that dead, and by a horrible means, “Do you remember when the dragon Kazoogi flew down and ate your father’s head ?”. Ah yes, fond memories abound. Children are left to develop as part of a community; the role of the parent is replaced with peer group counseling and guidance, everyone puts on stark gray uniforms and reports to the Ministry of Information. Religion would generally be inappropriate in a video game, but in many of these games the idea of nature and earth as a religion is advanced. Basically, the games amount to horribly boorish cultural force feeding into an American market, an arrogant effort designed to subordinate our culture to…well, just about everyone else. I’d like to see a little less Yugio, Scugio and a return to Western heroes.

Many U.S. based games push sex and violence on incredibly young age groups; guns are portrayed constantly and consistently in a negative light, for illegal purposes and in irresponsible use. While I don’t mind seeing pushing and shoving depicted in video games, or cartoon figures filling up with water and exploding, a constant diet of human gore, naked cartoon characters and death as a positive outcome really doesn’t cut it for ages 5 – 8. I really don’t like single player games that are made to keep a kid occupied, alone and glued to a TV screen while the whole world moves on around them. If the goal is to keep kids busy, parents may as well give their young children mesmerizing light switches to play with as both the switch and the game provide the same level of creative outlet, and social interaction.

We’ll have a couple more sleepovers before Christmas, the grandkids like it. I could never articulate how good it feels, to be this old and have kids aggressively lobbying their parents to sleep over by Grandma and Grandpa. We don’t take them to many events, we tend to drag out radio controlled monster trucks or a bat and ball, or the good video games, or just chat about school and friends and nostril nuggets. They seem to tolerate the practical jokes, head nuggies and having their pictures taken hundreds of time. As a final tribute, just before we send them home, we feed them sugar, get them running around in circles and bouncing off the walls as a special gift to the parents.

This year we have little Sophia, out first granddaughter. We are not sure what to make of her yet. She crawls to keep up with everyone else, she drools on or eats most everything, she unplugs game controllers at critical points in the game as a source of entertainment, and she shouts at us, even though she can’t form a huge number of words at 9 months of age. On the other hand, she has a disarming smile and seems to have no trouble getting an adult to carry her, feed her, or rock her to sleep – I believe we have a princess in the midst of stinky feet and food stained shirts. Somehow I sense, in a very short while, there will be less of a difference.

What is my point? I have no point, other than to say we are enjoying the holidays, we will enjoy Christmas and I hope you do also. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. For those others who want to steal Christmas, convert it to a secular holiday for your own enjoyment, while barring me from displaying my faith; my sympathies. If you don’t know what Christmas is, if you don’t believe, what would you be celebrating other than greed and excess consumption.?

Thanks,
Joe

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